


Try to Change

by Sonamae



Series: The Divorce [4]
Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, All Aboard The Nope Train to Fuck-That-Vill, Canon Disabled Character, Mental Anguish, Sadness Ahoy, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 18:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1753693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonamae/pseuds/Sonamae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being ripped out of sleep by a bad dream isn't cheerful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try to Change

 The distance between them was mere inches, possibly more if he were to measure properly, but it felt like so much more.  Charles couldn’t breath as he lay there in the sand, no energy to lift himself as Erik reached out and put a hand over his own.  All around him there was the thick smell of blood and death, but Erik was right _there_.  For once it wasn’t _Erik_ or _Magneto_ , it was everyone _else_.  It was human ignorance and fear and god why was there so much blood?  He closed his fingers around Erik’s hand and tried to blink through the tears.  He couldn’t believe he’d been so foolish to trust in anyone but Erik.  
  
 But then he woke up and fell off the bed with a scream of pain.  Charles couldn’t feel his legs.  They were twisted wrong and he could barely push himself up and… then he remembered that he was paralyzed.  He was a crippled man afraid of breathing and dreaming.  There was a bottle of scotch on his bed that he’d downed to try and sleep and that hadn’t fucking _worked_.  
  
 There was a heavy sound of footfalls down the hall and Charles knew that Hank was coming.  All he wanted to do was drown further in that bottle, but there wasn’t anything left of him to drown.  There was only pain and disassociation, the long drawl of heartbreak and tears.  God he just wanted it to end, but he couldn’t even get that far.  
  
 Hank came in and started talking, but Charles couldn’t hear him or the worried questions he asked.  He just cried and let his nails cut into his palms while Hank put him in the chair.  For the love of all things he hated that chair more than he hated himself for ever trusting Erik.  What was worse was he knew that wasn’t true.  He still loved that awful man and he missed his sister.  The thoughts of her from everyone else hurt him to a point it was surely killing him.  Charles wanted everyone to stop being so loud in his head, he wanted the waves of sympathy and pity to _stop_.  
  
 They hurt worse than phantom pains in his legs, they hurt worse than rolling passed Raven’s room and knowing she’d never be in there again.  Sometimes he’d swear he’d hear her laughing on the patio, or humming something silly as she walked down the hall.  Her absence had been driving him mad, and his madness had been driving everyone else away.  
  
 Soon even Hank would leave, he was sure of it.  It would keep the boy safe, having him get out of Charles’ toxic life.  But if Hank left then Charles would surely be alone… and he couldn’t be alone or he really would die of a broken heart.  So… it was insurance.  He never would have done it otherwise, but he needed this small suggestion to stay buried deep in Hank’s mind.  
  
 _‘Don’t leave me until I’m ready to go.’_  
  
 With Hank staying there, he’d never be ready.  He’d never let the poor boy leave, and that made him cry even harder as Hank rolled him out of the room and toward the kitchen to make him some tea.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> 'Try To Change' by Mother Mother
> 
> Written for Shin. And as Taylor said when I told him I wrote another one of these, "You need to be smacked."


End file.
